I have had a messed up few day or weeks not sure lost track of time...
Well my husband and I have been married close to a year now and well we are not trying to have a kid but yet we are not trying not to have a kid... i guess if it happens it happens and we will deal and be ok... well we found out that we where going to be parents and things looked up... then i started to feel sick and not able to do much and in a lot of pain... well two nights ago i miscarried our baby... i know there is not much i could have done to stop it but i cant stop beating myself up over it... this is our second time and both have been miscarried by the time i reach 2 and 1/2 months... and when i go to talk to someone about it they tell me... God has a plan for you... and when he is ready you will have a kid... well let me ask you this... is it in Gods plan to make me cry and hurt and not feel right in the head?... is it Gods plan to give me a little bit of happiness then rip it away?... if so i say that he is SICK... I don't understand this whole i love you my children but yet i am going to hurt you when ever i get the chance... ugh sorry this is more of a rant then anything... i don't really have anyone to talk to... husband does not understand how it feels... for him it seems like it is a cake walk but for me its not... that was a life in me... it was growing and i was taking care of it... then BAM its gone and it leaves me feeling empty and alone, confused, sad and depressed... i guess i am not ment to be a mom... as people keep TELLING ME... your kid might have issues like you... would you be able to handle it?...
I am so sorry for your loss. It is probably the hardest thing to have to go through in life and many women experienced it but never talk about it. My sister lost her baby at 19 weeks, my other sister lost 2 babies (both within the first 2 months), my sister in-law and myself both had miscarriages without even knowing we were pregnant. Even though I didnt know I was expecting, it was still very hard and I still think about that baby and what he/she would be like. If I carried to term I would be due on March 12. Like I said before, it doesn't matter what other people say, nothing will take the pain away from losing a child.As for the people saying that your child would be messed up....they are fucking idiots! I have issues too and my parents never had issues and my kids are healthy and happy and show no signs of any mental health issues. I also felt empty inside and all alone. It seemed like my husband didnt even care that we lost a child. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep and still do sometimes. I hope the pain eases for you, I know what it feels like and it takes a while. You are in my thoughts.
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